back to the weed
One of my kids’ birthday is in mid-March, so I have a distinct memory of having to cancel his party at home last year because of the pandemic lockdown. Since then, we’ve been existing in this surreal, this-should-be-a-movie world. It is during this time last spring that I (re)discovered weeding. This mindless, yet cathartic rhythm of pulling each stalk of stubborn weeds with my bare hands, while squatting with a glass of Negroni delicately balanced next to me, is exactly what I needed at the end of each day. It also brought back memories (somewhat painful yet somewhat nostalgic) of my brother and I having to weed in our backyard every spring weekend when we were in our teens because…that’s just what you do when you have just immigrated to the US and your parents have never heard of (and couldn’t afford to hire) TruGreen or any other lawn services.
Leading up to March this year, I foolishly fantasized that my husband and I would abandon our kids to my parents and take a trip to Miami right around now. But, instead, I’m settling into the déjà vu reality of returning to my newly found hobby of weeding. As I embrace this new form of meditation, here is how I’m reflecting on my last 12 months, especially now that I have my 20/20 hindsight and a sobering reality check.
I should have…
…come to a more decisive conclusion that I needed to get out of the lease for my retail space in Washington, DC. Far from coming to terms with the reality that no one was getting her makeup done anytime soon, the denial part of me hired a marketing company to shoot videos that I thought we would be using in our marketing and social media campaigns sometime in the summer of 2020 (hah!). The fear part of me felt like a failure at the mere thought of approaching my landlord for negotiation of the lease terms. In the end, it took me until the fall to finally admit that there would be no in-person business while the pandemic was raging all around us and successfully negotiated myself out of the lease.
I could have…
…pivoted my business as a knee jerk reaction and peddle some random, white label makeup products or even get into PPE items (OYW branded masks and hand lotion, anyone?). But nothing felt authentic in the long term. I wish I could be more “commercially-minded” but I could not imagine selling or even advertising for products that I didn’t believe in wholeheartedly. As painful as it was financially, I knew that I needed to do some serious soul searching to figure out my next steps, even if it took months.
I would have…
…started this WhiteTable way earlier, even before the pandemic, but for my reluctance to be the face of the business and speak up. I’ve always hated the idea of speaking in public or expressing my opinion in any public way. My internal question was always, why the hell would anyone listen to what I have to say? The pandemic finally forced me to get up the nerve to speak up because it was a better option that losing the wonderful community that I had built through Own Your Wonder. I was able to take the plunge into putting my voice out there because I considered it like having a virtual conversation with my community.
It it weren’t for the pandemic…
…I would have not had the courage or the perspective to step back from the daily grind and the “survival” mentality to question important aspects of my work and family life.
Do I really need a physical retail space for my business?
How do I reprioritize meetings, events and people now that virtual options are normalizing?
Now that my husband and I are both working from home, how do we allocate domestic responsibilities?
How do we communicate better as a family now that we’re up in each other’s business all day long, all year long?
What do my children actually need to learn in school in order to be independently-thinking, empathetic and civic-minded members of society?
Do my kids have to go to school for 6-hours a day, 5-days a week with a bunch of kids in order for them to learn?
What does equity really mean in education?
Armed with lots of weeding (and Negroni), I hope that I will be able to come up with some good answers to these questions at some point this year.
In the meantime, for those of you who didn’t get a chance to fill out a super brief survey for me, here is the link (and thank you to those who already completed it!).
For this week’s guest at the WhiteTable, I’m excited to have Della Richardson joining us. Della and I used to work together as lawyers at my last corporate job and we share (among other, more positive things) a trauma of working for a terrible, female boss who was always suspicious that women with children slacked off their work. Della was also the only African-American attorney (and senior at that) at our global firm. For me, Della is the perfect portrait of an empowered and woke woman.
what is your superpower?
I do not fear failure and am willing to try something new if it is of interest to me. No matter the outcome, I have had an opportunity to learn from the experience.
what's your story in 6 words?
Two sons, career woman, stock market
what's the best advice you never got?
Don’t get comfortable where you are in your career. Continue to grow and to stretch, because that helps you remain sharp as a professional and keeps things interesting. Embrace change!
you use your voice for...
educating young people and women about the importance of using their company’s 401k and investing in the stock market to generate assets. There is no reason to fear the stock market, because you can learn as you go. So many people leave their company’s matching funds on the table, which is a huge lost opportunity!
what's your off-the-beaten-path product/content you're loving right now?
MasterClass.com is an amazing online platform that allows you to learn any number of topics from experts in the field. I loved watching Aaron Sorkin explain the process of storytelling for television and film. Anna Wintour on her management style. There are so many others lessons I look forward to taking over the next year.