golden girls
My dad has dementia so, in addition to my introspection on mortality these days, I’ve been thinking a lot about what it must feel like to have had a lifetime of experiences behind you and have learned so much about living and living well. As an “in-betweener”, I have the privilege to be part of my children’s innocent and optimistic outlook on things, while, at the same time, celebrating the wisdom and the perspective of my parents, who raised a loving family, immigrated to a new country and lived an adventurous life full of joys, surprises, disappointments and everything in between.
I grew up in Korea where being deferential to the elders and respecting chronological seniority is paramount, to the point that it can be paralyzing, preventing wacky ideas from turning into genius innovations and discouraging spontaneity. The younger generation envy the American-style meritocracy as the key to a liberating future and laugh away the older folks as outdated and misinformed. But we all know that meritocracy is no perfect secret to just and progressive society. It hides all manners of sins - implicit bias, sexism, racism, and ageism, to name a few. I’m certainly not advocating for the old school, Confucian way of life. But I do find myself wanting to be a contrarian in not blindly celebrating those 20-year old influencers and unicorn startup founders. Instead, I am seeking inspiration from my parents’ generation, who are underestimated by our society and discarded away in Florida or nursing homes.
Maybe it’s because I am so impressed that Joe Biden (who is my dad’s age) is doing a phenomenal job so far as our president (even though many of us know the bar was pretty low when he stepped in). Or maybe it’s because Anthony Hopkins (83) won the Oscar for Best Actor and Youn Yuh-jung (73) won the Oscar for Best Supporting Actress this year. I just imagine that if you have had a lifetime of experiences and dealt with all kinds of good and bad people, the world must feel like your oyster by the time you hit 70 (assuming, of course, you have the fortune of physical and mental health).
My mom embodies that attitude (sometimes too much). She does not prescribe to the idea of “retirement” in the sense of sipping umbrella drinks on the beach. She’s discovered that you can learn anything and everything on Zoom and YouTube. She participates in every type of class and symposium imaginable, from American history and Chinese acupuncture to computer literacy. She wants to start a business on Instagram, but I think she’s first trying to figure out how to navigate Google Drive. Speaking of Instagram, I love that one of Ireland’s most popular accounts is a 79-year old granny who is far more stylish than me on my best day. Of course, never mind fashion influencers, my personal hero RBG flexed her superpower brain until she died at the age of 87.
I’m not the only one in awe of this generation. There is even a podcast called 70 over 70 (30 under 30 is so overrated, right?) that claims to seek wisdom from our society’s “undervalued resource”. Though I have to make exception to this admirable group for anyone (no age restriction) who have way too much time to post the most surreal and hilarious complaints in my neighborhood Nextdoor (usually having to do with animals and food).
If I’m lucky to make it to 70, I would be thinking, “bring it on…I have nothing to lose” at every opportunity and situation. Not only that, I would get less riled up about silly things that make me lose my sh*t on a day to day basis because I would be comparing to a million worse things that I have seen, heard or experienced in my 70 years. One thing for sure is that I won’t be posting any complaints about mysterious street noises on Nextdoor.
Other than being a really annoying grandmother (if I’m lucky), this is how I imagine I will be when I’m my parents’ age. I’ll be one of those Asian ladies with lots of wrinkles and sun spots, but with shiny, jet black hair. I have not started dyeing my grey hair (yet), but once I start, I can guarantee you that I will not look back. I might even take one step further and wear a wig. At the rate of my current hair loss, this may be an inevitable step sooner that I anticipate. Other than these vanities, what I would love to be is one of those daredevil grandmothers (because I’m a total scaredy cat now) who runs the Marathon des Sables, hikes Mount Everest and maybe learn how to speak Arabic somewhere along the way. Apparently one of the last things Lee Kuan Yew, the formidable founding father of Singapore, did before he died at age 91 was taking his usual Mandarin lesson of the day. Learning until the last minute of one’s life seems like a beautiful privilege we all could aspire to.
Maybe I’m romanticizing older age, but it’s certainly a worthy goal to feel confident, carefree and to not give a damn, especially as we women carry so much baggage in our lives. So, here’s to The Golden Girls! Now, go call your mom (and dad).
For my virtual dream box this week:
🏝️ The Durrels in Corfu. It seems perfectly a propos that this sleeper hit series on the other side of the pond is about a family escaping the dreary England to the sunny, Greek island of Corfu. How many of us daydreamed about moving to the Caribbean at the height of the pandemic in January? The show is based on a wonderful book, My Family and Other Animals, by the world-renowned naturalist, Gerald Durrel. Even though the Durrel kids are bloody annoying, its charming storylines and other lovely characters make it worthwhile.
🕰️ Pillar and Post. Speaking of Brits, this is one of my favorite stores that houses exquisite British antique furniture and decors, personally curated by the owner Daphna (I have to convince her to be a WhiteTable guest one of these days), who has enviable taste in everything from wall paint color to bar carts. Even if you’re not into British antiques, you would love her selection of Daylesford candles and other beautiful and unique home furnishing. Don’t take my word, even House Beautiful and Architectural Digest rave about it.
👜 Herve Chapelier. I spent my first paycheck I earned as a bike messenger in Paris on a bright, banana yellow one, and to this day, it’s one of my most treasured bags (after 20 plus years). I even love the functional name of the model: 925N. No girly names, thank you. I need to update to a more muted color and am looking at a color called nacre bleuet. I’m not even going to attempt to pronounce this in my terrible French. No offense, but my humble opinion is that Longchamp is just an inferior copycat.
👙 lemlem x H&M. We have a pool in our backyard and I’m famous for not even dipping my toes in it unless the water is minimum 95 degrees. My perennially optimistic husband starts asking me to come swim with him as soon as we open the pool in early April. My excuse this year is that I don’t have a swimsuit. It’s kind of true because this lemlem one-piece is the only one I want to wear and they’ve been out of stock as soon as they came out. So, H&M better get their supply chain in order because I’m holding out all summer for this one.
In my early days of Own Your Wonder, I was lucky enough to find a business coach to help me navigate the scary journey of an entrepreneur. She knew exactly the right questions to ask me (without ever judging) to keep me sane and accountable. She was so smart, fun and interesting, that I ended up sacrificing my coaching relationship and hijacking her as my friend instead. Today, I’m lucky that I get to call Aviva Goldfarb one of my dearest friends and is my guest at the WhiteTable. I say lucky because she is relentlessly generous with her time and her wide network of people and resources. Whenever I need anything (from graphic designer to podiatrist), she’s the first person I turn to. Other being an awesome coach, Aviva’s full time job is as the head of marketing and communications for HipCityVeg. If you haven’t tried their food, you are totally missing out.
what is your superpower?
Napping
what's your story in 6 words?
Making the world better through food.
what's the best advice you never got?
It’s not about you—you’ll be more effective if you try not to take everything personally.
you use your voice for....
Fostering compassion, helping remarkable people tell their stories.
what's an off-the-beaten-path product or content that you're loving right now?
Revlon one step volumizer hair dryer, because I can do my own hair in 5 minutes with it, and it looks about 75% as good as a professional blow dry.