ode to the sandwich
sandwich generation:
a group of middle-aged adults who care for both their aging parents and their own children (Wikipedia)
Yep, that’s me. And you know who you are. I look after my parents (my dad has Alzheimer’s) and my three children, one of whom is a moody teenager, another has a rare chromosome disorder and another is a raging toddler. I may get a bonus point or two for also fitting in work somewhere in between.
The struggle is real. Sometimes I wonder why I didn’t come up with a cure for cancer AND solved for climate change when I had all the time in the world as a single person. What the hell was I doing when it was just me, myself and I?
But, the upside of being inducted into this unique, members-only club is that we gain some kick-ass superpowers that make us qualify for almost any high-powered job out there. Here is just a tiny sample.
We don’t need self-help books or business podcasts
Forget those lifestyle hacks on Twitter or Oprah endorsed books. When we have to contend with daily, unpredictable and non-negotiable situations to take care of our loved ones, not even Brené Brown can help us. We pave our own path at our own pace.
We know how to hustle
We spend our waking hours in hustle mode and don’t take no for an answer. Relentless pursuit of getting what our family needs is what we do best, even if we have no idea what we’re doing. We can negotiate with evil insurance companies for our parents while also standing up to our child’s bully school administrators. Hustling is what we eat for breakfast.
We’re innovators
When it comes to the wellbeing of our loved ones, we have to think outside the box. There is no instruction manual or shortcuts created for us, so we need to devise our own, unique solutions to impossible problems that get thrown at us constantly. If we can turn baby’s sensory toys into physical therapy tools for Alzheimer patients, surely we can solve Biden’s most pressing issues.
We are beyond AI
Move over ChatGPT. We can establish expertise in just about anything in real AI time, ranging from the different types of epilepsy to the types of toy construction vehicles. After all, we’ve been honing our research and problem-solving skills for years through rigorous comparative analyses, such as Medicaid vs Medicare benefits and Montessori vs. Reggio Emilia preschools.
We’ve already conquered the metaverse
We won’t be needing your VR headsets for hundreds of dollars, Mr. Zuckerberg. We already live in multi-dimensional, parallel worlds. We can take our parents to the doctors, while also dropping off our children at school, and run a conference call in our car, all at the same time. We are everything, everywhere, all at once.
We’re laser-focused
We treasure the irregular, minuscule window of uninterrupted time we get to work on our career each day. So, we stay centered and don’t dare to squander time away by buying yet another pair of leggings online. The opportunity cost of wasted time is too great when we’re being pulled in million directions. We get that being able to have a fulfilling career, while being able to take care of family is a unique privilege.
We are agile
We can produce just about anything (especially wet wipes and gummy bears) out of our bag, as and when needed. In addition to minor medical necessities and anti-meltdown tools, our magic bag also contains plans B, C, D and the rest of the alphabet. (Imagine Mary Poppins’ carry-all bag on steroid.) Since we can bet that our plan A will almost always get bulldozed by some family development, we are adept at working around various “what if” scenarios and changing plans at a moment’s notice.
We got perspective
We don’t need a guardian angel like George Bailey did in It’s a Wonderful Life to make us realize how lucky we are to be in this position. This is what life is about, right? The continuum of our journey that is beyond our own life’s present tense. And, how lucky my kids get to know their grandparents and vice versa. Though I fantasize about leaving my phone behind and checking into a hotel with DO NOT DISTURB sign on the door, I truly appreciate that it really is a wonderful life.
For my virtual Dream Box this week:
🧦 socks: I’ve tried them all - Happy Socks, Bombas, Gap, Costco and so much more - and they’ve all been mediocre at best for various reasons. It’s that whole Goldilocks dilemma of comfort v. style. I accidentally stumbled upon these and they have been perfect. Light weight, pretty colors (though slightly retro), good quality (and cheap). Who knew the best socks were right under my nose. Amazon. Of course.
❤️ how to communicate: Some of you may know that I have a son who is deafblind. This interview of a deafblind poet, John Lee Clark, is brilliant, hilarious and eye-opening (yes, pun was intended). Clark communicates by touch (known as Protactile). One of my favorite passages:
The reporter is in awe of DeafBlind man who cooks without burning himself!
Helen Keller is to blame.
Can’t I pick my nose without it being a miracle?
💄 lip oil: Another little find from Amazon by way of K-beauty: a tinted lip oil. Don’t let the image of “oil” detract you. It makes your lips feel like it’s summer instead of feeling like you lathered on sticky candle wax. And, if you’re not a lipstick person but still crave a little color, you may appreciate the understated tint.
🥞 almond flour pancake: I’ve been trying to do less gluten for my kids this year, even though they consume inhuman quantities of pasta, udon, bread and all the usual suspects kids go for. So, when I discovered this recipe online, I was half skeptical that my kids would actually eat these healthy pancakes. To my surprise, all my three kids loved them. Yes, sure, you can have a Chic-Fil-A meal for lunch, since your breakfast was gluten free pancakes!
🐈 Puss in Boots: You can judge me all you want, but my daughter and I LOVED this movie. I went to see it begrudgingly to please my 11-year old, but chuckled through the entire 2 hours. And, whenever my desperately needy 75 lb dog shoves her wet nose on me, I secretly wish I could trade her with Perrito from the movie. Am I a bad dog owner for having this fantasy?