stand by me (and do something)
As I’m scrambling to come to terms with the tragedy in Boulder, I still haven’t fully processed what happened in Atlanta last week. Part of the reason for my slow motion reaction is coming to terms with the fact that the sheer magnitude of this atrocity has actually been building up little by little, right under our nose, one racist remark at a time, one “inconsequential” violent act at a time. It’s as if I just watched a surprise ending of a movie, but realize there were actually so many obvious clues throughout each and every scene leading to the end.
Shortly after the Atlanta shootings, a wonderful friend (who was a guest at the WhiteTable earlier) told me that she was attending a “Bystander Intervention Training” to stop Anti-Asian American and xenophobic harassment. I was so deeply touched by Eileen’s genuine caring and thoughtfulness, beyond just the usual platitudes. (As I wrote about it earlier, this is everyone’s problem, not just for Asian Americans.)
When I was checking out this Bystander Intervention Training, it made me question: how is it that in all my years as a seasoned recipient of racist remarks, gestures and actions, I cannot recall anyone around me standing up for me?
Even the fact that I didn’t question this until now should tell you something’s wrong here. Much has been written in the media about the “model minority” myth, where a part of the narrative is that we don’t complain. We Asian Americans put our head down to work and do whatever we’re expected to do. But from my personal experience, the reason why years of racism has gone unchecked in this country isn’t because we never complained. It’s the wholesale denial of the existence of racism in the first place. How many times have I been told, oh you’re being too sensitive, they’re just being funny, he’s just ignorant, not everything is about race, and on and on. I’ve been told these things by friends and families, fellow Asians and non-Asians.
Does this denial sound familiar? It’s what the authorities and the media did right after the Atlanta shootings - they said that it was the shooter’s sexual addiction, not racism, that caused this massacre. I could not have expressed my own angry sentiments about this better than Trevor Noah in his 3 minute video.
There are complex set of historical and cultural sources that have built up this scaffolding of collective refusal and denial. But one simple thing I can tell you is that when people around you, especially those you trust, deny your experience and feelings time and again, you start to disbelieve yourself. So if you convince yourself that, maybe they’re right. I am being too sensitive whenever you experience racism, why would you even expect any bystander to come to your defense?
When I think about all the names I’ve been called and awful gestures I’ve been given in the middle of town squares, trains, airports, fast food joints, gas stations, and so many other public places, I recall a clear image of me, feeling utterly embarrassed, stunned and at loss. On my own.
Please let’s stand up for each other. Let’s call it out and recognize racism for what it is.
For my virtual dream box this week, it’s all about self-care (and a dose of brain food). We all need it.
🐝 Second Story Honey. I’m bracing myself for the allergy season. One experiment I’m doing this year is eating hyper-local honey to see it will keep me away from Claritin. On this very important mission, I discovered an amazingly delicious honey made from bees that forage for nectar and pollen all over Capitol Hill. My family polished off a jar of creamed honey in two days.
🛀 Oil and Green Tea. One of my favorite daily activities is the ritual of washing my face at night. Yes, I do feel like I’m literally taking off the day and preparing to start fresh the next morning. My secret weapons are these affordable cleansing oil and green tea cleanser (in that order) that puts me (and my face) in a happy place.
👟 Run, Run, Run. Ever since the time change, getting out of bed has been my most difficult challenge of the day. Even though I have not gone for my usual morning run in many days, I’m hoping that tomorrow I’ll be enticed by my running shoes that kind of look like knitted dumplings on my feet, but are gentle on my knees and have the best cushioning. This is definitely not a fashion purchase, but who cares as long as they are damn comfy.
📚 Failure to Disrupt. It’s been ages since I read an actual, physical book, and the only reason I bought this one is because it wasn’t available in Audio. It may not be the most riveting subject for some, but if any of you have an interest in the future of education / technology ( for kids and adults) and equity, this is the most sobering, analytical and informative book I have read in a long time. In a weird way, which I won’t get into (because I could write a book about it), it validates my conviction about homeschooling my son with special needs, whereas it’s planting seeds of doubt in my assumptions about my daughter’s education. So well written and so on-point.
This week’s WhiteTable guest is someone I admire greatly as a passionate activist. I can’t think of a better guest than Jamie, especially in this time when we need to speak up against hate and ignorance. We met while we were volunteering at the Legal Justice Center helping Spanish-speaking, undocumented immigrants understand their rights about deportation. Since then, Jamie has embarked on a Masters program in International Relations at the Johns Hopkins School of Advanced International Studies. I fully expect to see her working as a senior official at the UN or the State Department in 5 years.
what is your superpower?
Empathy. It keeps me grounded.
what's your story in 6 words?
Change a heart, change the world. If it's 6 random words, I'd say "Latin America community ocean vocal vegetables."
what's the best advice you never got?
What I did get, I have to share: read your work out loud. You'd be surprised what you find. What I never got, is to not judge yourself based on anyone else. We are all different, in so many ways, and you are your own best benchmark.
you use your voice for...
"Las injusticias no aguanto" is something I recently told a colleague. As I laughed at myself after saying it, I realized it was true. If I don't feel that something is right, I speak up. I'm not shy. I try to use my voice for those who can't, or at least not as well: ranging from the turtles and fish in the Galápagos Islands (expand the marine reserve!), to asylum seekers.
what's your off-the-beaten-path product/content you're loving right now?
Adaptogenic tea and sea-based skincare. What we find in nature is the most valuable.